By Jason Scully
If you are a PAYING student and you train at an academy that does not allow you to train at other places if you want, you are not allowed to attend local seminars, won’t allow you to attend free open mats that are open to everyone of all affiliations, says you can’t train with people from a different “team”, can’t post on someones FB of another team and give a compliment, or similar then I think you should think long and hard about where you are training and how these people treat you.
That is not about “family”, that is not about “loyalty” like many people will say it is. It’s about insecurity, and fear.
If the instructors and academy is doing a great job then they should never worry about you leaving their school, because they are giving you what you desire in the first place already.
They should never have to dictate what you can and cannot do. If they do, then they are acting like dictators.
People say “what about tournaments”? What about “team”? What bout “loyalty”? What about “family”? Let me address some of these one by one.
Tournaments: If the student knows what their home base school is, then that is the team they will represent regardless if they visit other schools or not. People are either better than their opponent’s when they compete or they are not. I couldn’t care less if I trained with people I compete against. I couldn’t care less if any of my students visited schools of competitors.
Also the fact of the matter is that maybe 3 to 5% of an entire school even competes. What about the other 95%? They don’t compete…can they still be dictated what to do?
Loyalty: What exactly are you showing loyalty to? Does every single student know their coaches extremely well on and off the mat to even know their truest character? Is your coach giving you free training? Is your coach paying for your tournament fees? Is your coach putting in extra effort for you? Does your coach pay attention to you as much as another person?
For most people none of this happens. Loyalty doesn’t just happen just because you show up to an academy and you get your bank account directly debited from your account to theirs. That’s not loyalty.
I’ve had multiple people tell me how their coaches are trying to dictate what they can and cannot do but their coach hardly even pays attention the them at all. Is that loyalty?
Team: Is your coach afraid that you will represent another team? Are they worried you will share secrets? All of this is insecurity in my opinion. It’s insecurity that the person is going to leave, and even moreso that your money is going to end up somewhere else.
Team is not an excuse to tell grown adults what they can and cannot do.
Family: This is the BIG one …what is family to you? I’ll tell you what family is to me. Family is something I will fight for. Family is something that is true and dear to my heart. Family is something I can turn to in the middle of the night when I really need help. Family is unbreakable. Family is the ability to confide in someone. Family is never forgetting someone and reaching out even if you don’t always keep in touch on a very regular basis.
Is that what people really have at their academies? Can you truly say your academy is like a “family”…like how your real family is.
What happens when you lose your job and need to stop training? What happens when you move and need to stop training?
What happens when you have a kid and you need to slow your training down or stop training because of schedule?
Do does the school owner or coach act like family then?
So many coaches throw the term “family” around so loosely like you are now apart of their personal lives and you owe them that…but it’s utter bullshit most of the time.
YES you are going to get the outliers who do experience what they consider family, or have created best friends, or who do train for free…you all are the exception and not the rule.
If you are in this situation and it even makes you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable then it might be time to reassess you situation.
Many will agree with me and many will not, but this is my view on the subject. I’ve had a few people ask me about this so I figured I’d just share it here for anyone who cares to read bout my view on this matter.
Peace, love, and jiu jitsu